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June 4th, 2010
11:29 pm - 4/6/10
seeking solace in the stars...
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June 3rd, 2010
12:07 am - 3/6/10
Everything is gone.
Why does doing the right thing have to be so fucking painful.
i wish i could just die right now. makes things so much easier. painless.
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June 1st, 2010
01:05 am
What the fuck have I done? What was I thinking?
Was I even thinking at all?
If only I could tank all of their pain... Because I'm the one who caused all of this bullshit to happen, the one who implicated so many ppl.
It's true... What they said bout how 1 mistake can lead to a thousand years of hate... Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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May 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm - 22/5/10
condemned
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May 13th, 2010
09:15 pm - 13/5/10
Been a long time since I felt the fire.
In J1, I had no control over it. I felt it constantly, ever burning, but I could never grasp onto it and use it.
In J2, I mellowed down, in an attempt to understand and eventually master it. I could control it, but I no longer felt it.
Just now, I was walking back home, listening to beats. Wasn't even breaking. And strangely enough, that feeling surged inside me once more.
Before today, I wanted to take a step back; to mull things over, reorganize my moves and approach, etc. Disappear for awhile, then re-emerge stronger than ever, along with the rest of my crew; everyone is in NS already after all.
But now, I wonder...
The hunger is still there. Hahaha.
I guess the fire has never been gone after all. It's just residing somewhere deep inside.
I may not be good... But fuck, I'm battle hungry. LOL. Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know.
What I do know:
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May 4th, 2010
12:34 am - 4/5/10
Rooftop Gardens are the best... (:
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May 2nd, 2010
12:06 am - 1/5/10
It's been some time since I last posted, so yes here I am again.
The past 2 weeks have been something of a roller-coaster ride... Not keen to elaborate on it because it's a very long and tiring story. What's important though is that right now I'm leading a life that most people are envious of, and I need to find a way to prolong it for as long as possible (or at least, until jiahong's plan works out... If it works out. ><)
Just went back to school today to watch the juniors' first salt run. It's amazing how I can see myself doing the exact same shit as them, having gone through the same thing 1 year ago. It's also pretty amazing how that 1 year has flown past just like that, and how now our lives have become so different. As expected of the first run, there were many issues which needed to be ironed out, choreos which need to be cleaned up, etc. But I have to say, if everything goes well and everyone KNOWS exactly what they're supposed to do and do it, alot of the performances today can become awesome showcases. Just need a whole lot of polishing. Got about 4 weeks man hahaha.
Most important thing is to have fun I guess. I really had fun during the dancenight period, and it left me with many great memories. To me, I think the worst thing that can happen is that everyone starts to quarrel and turn on each other when the stress gets to them. Dancenight is supposed to be the highlight of MAD peeps' JC lives, so if you are making enemies or crying/stressing late into the night bout how the choreo still isnt done instead of having fun, then that's very very sad indeed D: Don't so stressed ba juniors (: Have fun, but do things quick and do things fast :P
Anw, I LOVE my new joker shirt. Mad props to siaozhabor for getting it for me in Barca :D Anyone who can't appreciate the sheer badassery exuded by the shirt should just watch Batman (the Jack Nicholson one) and the Dark Knight (Heath Ledger one) all over again.
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April 15th, 2010
10:31 am - 15/9/10
Haiz... Fucked up.
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April 9th, 2010
11:49 pm - 9/4/10
You know, whenever we move on in life, we always look back at the past and say to ourselves 'Hey, those moments were fun; should have treasured them more.'
Haha I think that might just be the way I feel about BMT. The seniors said BMT would be the best part of our NS life. At first, I couldn't believe them. Everytime, for the first few weeks of BMT, I would feel depressed whenever I see Pasir Ris Bus interchange. The SAF ferry terminal was like a gateway to hell. How could anyone enjoy going to Tekong?
It's your friends that make all the difference.
One regret I have is that, while I was bonded with my section, I didn't exactly take the initiative to talk to my other platoon mates more until like, the last 3-4 weeks or so. Alot of them are really nice, awesome people whom I could just bullshit and screw around with. If we had more time together as a platoon I'm sure we would have been quite a crazy bunch. People like Junyan from Section 1, Darren from Section 2, and pussy tan jun hong aka silver951 and huan jun, chek kai, etc from section 3... They were great company after I got to know them. But too bad, we didn't have the chance to go beyond being acquaintances. Now that's a real shame.
On a side note though, Section 4 is the shit. Wouldn't have made it through BMT without you guys. Heh.
BMT is fun because everyone starts off equal; everyone is in the same boat together, going through the same shit. Even though we might have different aims and aspirations, it is perhaps the time when we are the most innocent. In this sense, NS seems to be a 'double quicktime' (to borrow the phrase) process of growing up. When we were young, in BMT, everyone is innocent. Then as we move on, we become more scheming as more politics come into play, as we handle more responsibilities... And no one is innocent anymore.
haha. POP lo after all. Should be happier. But strangely enough, I'm not really overjoyed. Maybe its because of all these niggling regrets I left behind, or maybe it's because the future seems bleak, as we step into the great unknown. Or maybe it's the friggin 20 months left we have to endure.
I guess for now, I'll just enjoy this well-deserved 1 week plus break. Come what may!
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April 2nd, 2010
12:21 am - 2/4/10
` I&I ck | hcbowl | ΜΛD the countdown will never end more time spent waiting, less spent dancing says:
their attitude towards me la
i oways tend to piss ppl off anw
oh and may i add
i think monday
i owned my whole section with my wittiness
story of my life :P
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jacenaxel's journal
